Well it's been a while, but at last, DP and I have managed to have a weekend at home, to ourselves, without SD or having to visit any family. Blissful! DP doesn't leap out of bed on these weekends, full of guilt that SD is downstairs on her own having had to pour her own bowl of cereal and watch cartoons by herself until he's woken up. Hard life being a kid, y'know. We've done things at our own pace, what we feel like, when we feel like it. 'Let's go to the pub and have Sunday lunch'. 'OK then' and off we go.
2/3 of the time, we live the life of an average professional couple with no kids, and then 1/3 of the time we have to morph into suburban family. It's weird, feels like living a double life. I have to admit, I look forward to these weekends that DP and I have to ourselves, probably more than I should. It's selfish, I know, but the weekends that we're with SD, DP is just on another planet, and doesn't always remember to remember me, hello, your partner, no, I am a person, not just a cook/dishwasher/rememberer of school uniforms and books. Away on planet parent....wheeeee, off he goes, and it seems like I don't exist beyond being a facilitator of that. And then, come Monday morning, down he comes, and he's back to being my boyfriend again. Maybe it's a facet of the male inability to multitask that they have difficulty fulfilling two roles at a time.
I will be away next weekend, and won't see SD at all. The way I've been feeling lately, it's not a bad thing. I have been depleted, energy-wise, and the last thing I have wanted when I've managed to limp into the weekend is child-noise and debris - I have longed for a few moments of quiet just to gather my own thoughts. I feel bad for this, because I know I haven't been giving SD the attention and the focus that I usually do, but I guess it's how I get when I haven't even got that energy for myself - I start to get a bit protective of my space and time.
But I got a raise at work, and passed an exam, so it's overall been a good weekend. I've had the chance to recharge my batteries, so by the time I come back from my break next weekend, I will hopefully feel more positive, and have some more energy to put into stepmothering.