This morning, I woke up with a banging headache. When I stood up, I got a wave of nausea, nearly lost my balance, and then went off to the bathroom to talk to God down the big white phone. My old friend the migraine was back.
Pounding head, my eyes started to go funny....I had to text my boss and tell him I couldn't go to work. I have sumatriptan, from the doctor, but it takes a while to kick in and while it relieves the pain, it still leaves me tired, drained and sometimes dizzy.
It was then I just started to panic. My heart started to race and I felt my chest cavity closing in and the room starting to spin. It was as if everything just started to come crashing down. I am, at this moment in time, completely overwhelmed by everything that's going on. I feel like I have very little escape from sources of stress, and it all just piled on at the same time.
I was worried as well about work, because they aren't exactly sympathetic when you're ill or stressed or have difficulties in your life. They like to keep piling the work on, and just thinking that you will magic extra time in the day to get it all done. My manager is also fond of the really helpful phrase "Just get it sorted" when he comes to you at 15 mins before home time with an urgent job that you don't even know how to do. I don't feel that anyone really supports us, or cares that we are firefighting all the time. We are just expected to suck whatever it is up and get on with it. We've asked for an extra staff member, a junior or something to help field the calls, and take care of little things like when people forget their passwords to stuff, but this is apparently too much to ask, they are hiring right left and centre in other areas but we don't get any help. I've also got a, ahem, debate on my hands with the HR dept right now, which is always fun. I got called out on Sunday night just after I'd gone to sleep as well, and I slept like shit last week so I've been tired as hell.
If you mix a stressful and conflict-ridden job with a stressful step-situation at home, you kinda tend to feel like there's nowhere to run. The walls are, literally, closing in.
Ugh. I haven't got much positivity for the blogosphere today! But - when in the midst of another attack I decided to make bread, so that I'd at least have the kneading to do with my hands to calm me down. It did help, and I bet DP won't be unhappy to come home to a fresh loaf!