Monday, 10 August 2009

The Soapgate Scandal

2 blog posts in one must be Mad Monday!

Well actually, it's Tired Tuesday, seeing as I am still up, and it's just past midnight. I can't sleep.

Poor old DP walked into a right old trap tonight. SD phoned him during the day, asking if he'd drop off the clothes she had come to ours in at her granny's house. We had things to do tonight, but hey ho, DP never says no to these requests, whether convenient, necessary, or not. SD asks in cute little girl voice, he says yes. Every time.

He goes round to granny's house and is met not by cute little girl, but by BM's hatchet faced mother. Who starts yelling at him in the street.

It seems that we have committed a terrible faux pas. SD has had fun with us this week. This is never to happen again.

Apparently, we have "played mind games" with SD and emotionally abused her. This is because we had the temerity to wash the clothes that she came in from BM's. It seems that we have been telling SD she smells all week and telling her that she smells when she's been in her mum's house. Hatchet Faced Granny seems to be totally missing the point - or missing a sense of smell, if she is under any illusions that a kid will NOT stink when she lives in a smoky house (BM is a chainsmoker).

SD tells us herself that she does not wash for days at a time at BM's, and frequently, she has BO when we pick her up that testifies very pungently to that, usually competing with the smell of the secondhand smoke. So, we do tend to chuck her in the bath or shower, despite protestations. SD does not particularly like baths or showers. She tends to get The Face on when told to go clean up (any parents or step-parents of teens will know The Face well). So, we are guessing that BM doesn't bother making her do it, in the same way as she won't argue with her over bedtimes, or teeth cleaning, because she can't be arsed. It does feel like an uphill battle sometimes. Nobody said parenting, or at least good parenting, was always fun, or that your kids would always like you. DP is, unfortunately quite direct. He will tell her she stinks, and march her to the soap. Hell, he does it with me when I come in from football matches. C'mon, who didn't have that as a kid, you come home all filthy and dirty covered in luvverly muck and what do your parents do? Pick you up by your collar with a peg on their nose and throw you in the bath, of course! But these days, it's emotionally abusive to do so....your kids have a right, did you not know, to stink! Parents, be warned! Stinking is the new smacking. Insist on your kids washing too often and you too will find yourself facing Soapgate.

So this, on top of the litany of our other misdemeanours like "forcing" SD on hikes and bike rides, mean that DP is an unfit and abusive parent. Oh, and did I mention that taking SD on a scout camp is totally unacceptable because she will be sexually abused? Hatched Faced Granny is going to set her policeman brother on DP, apparently, because all scout leaders are obviously paedophiles. Yawn, nothing that they haven't tried before....they've kinda exhausted most avenues open to them when it comes to trying to discredit DP. But, on they will go with their tired routine.

All this means, now, that apparently they are withdrawing any kind of co-operation or flexibility towards us (uh, wasn't aware there was any in the first place) and they will be going by the letter of the court order from now on. Well, that'd be a first for them to actually stick to it, wouldn't it! Oh, and of course, I am not allowed to pick up or drop off SD, because I am not named on the court order as a person who is permitted to do this. DP laughed and said that he wouldn't want to expose me to their nastiness, so that suited us just fine.

It's plain to see that this is motivated by the green eyed monster. They can't be happy that SD has had fun for a week. They have to twist everything so that DP is awful, I am the Wicked Witch of the West AND the East, in fact, just about everywhere, and that SD is traumatised as a result of spending time with us.

I realise that there is little point getting worked up about this. OH does not, any more. It does not cause him insomnia - he's upstairs snoring his little head off. I guess he's so used to the periodic bouts of mud-slinging that he lets it roll off him, he's secure enough that he knows SD is not traumatised and that she'll come back next time she sees us and ask if we can go bike riding again. Funnily enough, I seem to remember the last big shenanigans like this were last summer. Ho hum, I guess the sun brings out the mad dogs.

I can't help but feel resentful that our night was ruined by these ignoramuses, and that instead of the nice cosy evening relaxing with a nice home cooked meal and glass of wine, OH had to spend the evening phoning up his Group Scout Leader and warning her that they'd threatened to accuse him of abusing kids. Then he was too cross and tired to cook or eat, so he just necked a beer and went to bed. And I am left, awake and seething. Hatchet Face would love this if she could see it - just the effect she's after! And then I get MORE cross with myself for allowing it to get to me. And cross with OH for having had a kid with that detestable woman. Why do men have this uncanny ability to just switch off? I envy that.

Well, I guess it's about time I bit the bullet and attempted sleep again, though it's a toss up between the sofa with a snoring dog and bed with a snoring DP. Perhaps those clothes pegs we went round with on our noses all week because SD smelled so bad would come in handy right about now....


  1. That's too bad that they had to ruin a very nice week for the three of you. It's not fair for your SD. Would they rather wait until her friends notice that she smells before they do anything - that's worse than your parents telling you to take a bath. The two of you are taking really good care of her and one day she will realize that you were the ones who always had her best interests at heart. - G

  2. I completely understand your frustration, it sucks!! You and your DH are doing everything right and SD is so lucky to have you both in her life. Sounds like she needs some normalcy.
    I have learned it is ALWAYS going to be something, and you can't win. I do envy men how they can flip a switch and let it go. I try to be better at that but as a woman I think that is so hard. I take it personally and I just cannot understand how a person can come up with these stupid accusations, it makes no sense!! Where is the logic?

  3. I can totally relate to this.

    We started taking the kids to Beavers and Rainbows and BM had a FIT when she found out because they may get sexually abused!! What? At Rainbows?? I attended SD's first Rainbow evenings with her and she loved it. Hubbs attended SS's Beaver meetings with him and HE loved it.

    BM is just jealous because we are doing things with the kids that she is too lazy to do.

    Oh and the latest thing in BM's "lets compete with Hubbs & LBM" mission is, she's promised to take them swimming with Sharks. WTF?? She apparently has no money for school shoes, yet she's going to take them swimming with Sharks. She gets their hopes up, makes false promises that she can't fulfil, all in an effort to try and compete with us. It's so sad.

  4. Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with insanely jealous BM. And not the only one with a BM who thinks that any kind of group kids activity is run by paedophiles! It is ridiculous isn't it!

  5. I am so sorry your SD has a wing nut for a mother.

  6. totally relate to this, only its the bio-dad that does it... to his own children. AND his new wife who hates me the biomum like mad. I've tried to be nice and invite and chat and stuff, but they just hate us all.

    They also hated that the children had three weeks holiday with me and hubby AND LOVED it ... God forbid they come home and share their experiences...

    crazyness all round
    make you wonder whether it makes sense to have kids in this world at all - polution AND divorces

  7. Being punished for the kids actually liking us is something my boyfriend and I have gotten used to. It's pathetic. I have to say, depending how long Hatchet Face's litany was, neither you nor your husband were under any obligation to stand there and listen to it. Telling her to give you a call when she could talk reasonably is not out of line. No one needs to listen to that crap.

    My BF used to fall for that trap, getting angry and letting that ruin our time together, until we realized how much power we were giving to someone who doesn't deserve it. We consciously decide to let it go and be together and leave the BS outside where it belongs. With practice, it really is possible. Don't let their negativity pull you down too.