Friday, 7 August 2009

Wednesday Martin I salute you

Courtesy of one of my fave SM bloggers, La Belle Mere at

I was lent Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin.

Now, I love this book, and Wednesday's blog, so much that I am going to sing it's praises to the rooftops on here and I have not even finished the book yet! After putting the world to rights with LBM on (very fittingly) Wednesday, I then headed to a coffee shop for a bit of peace and quiet to start the book and before I knew it I was 3 chapters in!

Thank you Wednesday, for NOT telling me to put the kid first. I can't even begin to describe how fabulous it is to find a book for stepmothers that's been written for ADULTS. See, I've read a few stepmothering treatises, and just found a lot of it patronising bullshizz. And, like after reading many well-intentioned books, I end up feeling worse than before. Because no matter how many times the book tells me to grow the fuck up and be an adult and realise the kids relationship with their dad is far, far more important than my relationship with him could ever be, y'know what? It's not going to work, because nobody, nobody, but nobody, is ever going to settle for life in second place. And finally, along comes Wednesday, and tells us we don't have to.

It's an intelligent, insightful look at stepmothering, from both an academic and real world perspective, however Stepmonster neither reads like a dry academic essay nor a self-help book. Nobody is going to ask you to make affirmations into the mirror, or to vow to change your terrible ways. Actually, the one thing this book is making me do is ACCEPT myself just that little bit more - and feel OK about the emotions that I have surrounding this whole minefield I'm tap dancing on. Instead of constantly berating myself for not doing better at it.

Check Wednesday out at
and if you are a stepmother, the husband or partner of a stepmother, or a stepchild, or you simply want to understand more about stepfamilies, read this book. I cannot recommend it enough. And if you are a stepmother, lock your significant other in a room and do not let him out until he has read it cover to cover and then again backwards.

Oh and massive thanks to LBM for being my personal SM library!


  1. Just stopping by from SITS to say Happy Saturday Sharefest!

    An interesting post and after having read a lot of La Belle Mere's post I'm starting to understand more of life as a step-mom. Something I never thought about before... So good work girls!

  2. I felt exactly the same way when I read the book! I'm so glad that you read it - it really does change many of the things we have been told about ourselves as stepmoms. Excellnt write up!

  3. I'm wishing I'd had this book 26 years ago! I was a step mother to a 9 year old while having 8 and 10 year olds of my own. I hated being a stepmother, and hated myself for hating it. Thank God, he's grown up and seems none the worse for wear, but my marriage was rocky for the first 10 years because of the whole situation. Some kind of support would have been nice.

    Stopping by from SITS

  4. Dropping by from sits.

    Happy Saturday everyone!

    Make it a happy day!

    Ms Cupcake
    Zen Cupcake

  5. I haven't read the book but I have never subscribed to the notion that my role as stepmom is to be subservient and relegated to placating the bio-mom's ego by constantly repeating "I'm not the mother! I'm not the mother!". I recognize the importance of the kids but also know my BF and I must function as a close team and nurture our relationship for any of this to work.